Marriage is one of the most profound commitments people make, but it is also one of the most fragile. In the United States alone, 4 to 5 million couples marry each year, yet between 42% and 53% eventually divorce, according to the National Center for Health Statistics.
The reasons vary, infidelity, financial stress, loss of intimacy, addiction, domestic violence, or simply drifting apart. Divorce is not confined to one culture or country. Wherever there is marriage, there is also the possibility of separation.
Understanding Satisfaction in Romantic Relationships
Researchers have long explored why some couples flourish while others fall apart. Many studies suggest that marital satisfaction depends on two key pillars: love and conjugal functioning.
- Conjugal functioning involves how partners manage their shared lives—dividing responsibilities, resolving conflicts, maintaining a healthy balance between closeness and independence, and nurturing relationships outside the marriage.
- Love, on the other hand, centers on the emotional connection between partners. It includes intimacy, affection, appreciation, and a sense of ongoing commitment to one another.
Research also highlights conflict management as a critical factor. Disagreements are a natural part of any relationship, but the way couples handle them often determines whether their bond deepens or begins to unravel.
From Heartbreak to Purpose
When relationships reach a crisis point, it can feel like there’s no way back, just distance, mistrust, and unspoken resentments. Dee Tozer, an Elite Master Coach for Couples, CEO of Dee Tozer International Pty Ltd, Couples Therapy Master, and author of Affair Repair, knows that reality all too well. After experiencing her own painful marriage breakdown, she recognized how couples can slip into what she calls “grudge sludge”—the gradual build-up of criticism and disappointment that erodes intimacy.
That experience became the spark for her mission: helping couples move from crisis back to connection, guiding them to rebuild trust, intimacy, and family unity.
The Couples Master Coach
Dee Tozer is globally recognized as The Couples Master Coach, a transformational relationship expert who specializes in guiding couples through deep crises—whether after infidelity, betrayal, or emotional disconnection. Over more than 30 years, she has helped more than 6,000 couples move from the brink of collapse to renewed trust and lasting connection.
Her expertise combines clinical insight, advanced training in modalities such as Emotionally Focused Therapy, the Gottman Method, and Relational Life Therapy, along with the perspective of her own lived experience. She often works with high-performing professionals, executives, and public figures who need both urgency and discretion in navigating relationship trauma.
At the heart of her practice is a results-driven coaching model designed to help partners break destructive cycles, restore intimacy, and build long-term resilience. Her 90-day Optimal Repair Intensive, which reports a success rate above 94%, reflects her reputation as one of the most trusted figures in relationship crisis recovery.
The Turning Point
Dee’s path into couples work wasn’t straightforward. After completing her psychology degree, she began her career supporting individuals. But she soon noticed a common thread: many of her clients’ personal struggles traced back to unresolved relationship issues.
“It seemed instinctive,” she recalls. “I’d go straight to the couple’s problem and was able to help a lot. Before long, I was only seeing couples in crisis.”
Her own marriage breakup made the mission deeply personal. “It was unnecessary, looking back. We were young, we didn’t know better, and we got trapped in criticisms and grudges. Seeing the impact on myself and my children made me realize I needed to dedicate myself to preventing others from going through that same unnecessary heartbreak.”
Dee’s approach today combines short-term intensive work with tools couples can carry into everyday life. Most begin with a 12-week program that cuts through conflict and helps partners rediscover goodwill.
The cornerstone of her philosophy is simple but powerful: approval, kindness, and goodwill. “Goodwill overrides everything,” she explains. “When couples prioritize kindness, cooperation, and camaraderie, they create an emotional warmth that protects the relationship, even during conflict.”
Her role is to hold couples accountable to those principles until they become second nature. The intensive work provides the foundation, but the lasting transformation depends on the couple’s commitment to keep practicing them long after.
Why Families Struggle and How to Stop the Cycle
In Dee’s view, most relationship breakdowns stem from a subtle but destructive habit: constant criticism.
“When couples fall into pointing out each other’s flaws, faults, and deficiencies, they start living on the wrong side of the line,” she says. On that side lies resentment, defensiveness, and what she dubs grudge sludge.
The danger doesn’t stop with the couple. That same cycle spills into family life. Children raised in an environment of blame and disapproval internalize those patterns, damaging their own sense of security and belonging.
The proactive solution, Dee argues, is awareness. “We all have quirks and challenges in relationships. The goal is to help each other live our best lives, not drag each other down into negativity.” By choosing approval, praise, and intentional positivity, couples build a home where both partners and children can thrive.
Advice for Couples Seeking Help
Not every therapist is equally equipped to handle relationship crises, Dee warns. She encourages couples to research their options thoroughly before committing.
“Think about it like finding a lawyer or financial advisor, you wouldn’t hire one without checking their experience. Yet couples often jump into therapy without asking the right questions.”
Some of her suggested questions include:
- How many couples have you worked with?
- Do you track outcomes to know what works?
- How much of your practice focuses on couples versus individuals?
- Do you use and integrate multiple therapeutic approaches?
The answers matter, Dee stresses, because couples in crisis don’t have time to waste on trial and error. They need strategies that are practical, proven, and tailored.
A Mission Rooted in Hope
At the heart of Dee Tozer’s mission is a deep belief in the power of relationships to heal, transform, and uplift lives. She knows that intimacy changes over time, that marriages can get stuck, and that families can fracture under the weight of criticism. But she also knows repair is possible.
The choice, as she frames it, is simple but profound: live on the side of grudge sludge—negativity, disapproval, and criticism or on the side of approval, kindness, and intentional connection.
Her clients, many of whom arrive at her practice on the brink of separation, leave with something even stronger than what they once had: a renewed commitment to each other, deeper intimacy, and a family foundation built on goodwill.
“Relationships aren’t about being flawless,” Dee says. “They’re about helping each other live our best lives. And when couples choose that path, love doesn’t just survive, it grows.”