Key takeaways
- Obsession is when they’re more interested in your availability than in you as a person
- It involves repeated texts, emails, or calls
- They have a constant need for reassurance, control your actions
- Conversations are focused on superficial matters
93% of singles want to be in a successful relationship, but seeing as dating is as hard as ever in 2024. you might jump for joy when someone finally shows genuine interest.
If their interest is making you uncomfortable, could it be something more? An obsession? According to Robert Sternberg’s triangular love theory, passion is a type of love, with commitment and intimacy being the other two.
Passion refers to the excitement and attraction you feel at the onset of a romantic relationship. Obsessive love is not uncommon, with research showing that its prevalence among the population was 9-17%.
The occurrence actually has a name: obsessive love disorder. If you’re on the receiving end of repeated texts, emails, or calls, the person might have crossed the fine line.
Other signs include a constant need for reassurance, your actions being monitored, and the person trying to control your activities. It seems like they want to know each and every one of your thoughts and actions at any given time. You have become their focus, which suffocates any potential the relationship could have had.
Conflicts at every turn
You didn’t tell them you’d be off the dating site, you made a spontaneous plan to do something, and/or your device died, and you weren’t on the app for a few hours. You can’t reasonably be online at all times, but your brief absence turned into a conflict, which took a lot of effort to resolve.
A lack of personal space ends relationships quicker than many things. What’s more, this concept is evolving globally, with people expanding it by an average of over three feet compared to a few years ago. Communication is becoming more distanced as the human population skyrockets.
Stalking you on social media, repetitive prying questions, and orbiting in dating can also be signs of an obsession. If it is, the orbiting will go beyond engaging with your posts on social media.
They don’t want you to have friends of the opposite gender
They feel threatened by every person of the opposite gender in your life, and in some cases, of the same gender. It gets exhausting quickly. The obsession makes them want to control everyone you meet and even the time you spend with friends. This is a major red flag if you have never met in person. Jealousy is not uncommon – 82% of Americans admit to having felt it in relationships – but that doesn’t make it acceptable. If you’re tired of them inquiring about who else you’re meeting on the dating app, move on.
Constant contact
When you’re interested in someone, you have a desire for a close connection and want to communicate with them often. You check in on them and share your experiences. It’s a sign of care and affection.
Obsession takes this a step further. They find it unbearable to be apart. Their need for constant contact begins to suffocate you.
It’s not going to work. Healthy relationships thrive on respect and trust.
Superficial conversations
Interest involves engaging, meaningful conversations, while obsession tends to keep them focused on superficial matters. They shouldn’t be more interested in your presence than your feelings and thoughts.
The APA cited a study that found both types of conversations made people feel more connected and less awkward than they expected. However, the effect in the study was stronger for deep conversations. Participants who had deep conversation prompts overestimated the awkwardness far more than those with shallow prompts. They also enjoyed deep conversations more. We don’t have more of them because people underestimate how interested strangers are in their deeper feelings and thoughts.
Recap
- They get angry when they can’t reach you
- They are jealous of your friends, especially of the opposite gender
- They want constant contact
- Conversations don’t feel fulfilling